It had been over a week since I had slept soundly through the night when I woke up one morning and couldn't remember how or when I'd fallen asleep at all. In fact, I was fairly certain I must have fallen asleep mid-conversation as I remembered being awake, lights-on, talking to J Word, and the next thing I knew, my alarm was going off, and I was groggily fumbling in the dark for the snooze button.
This was both disorienting and a bit of relief. I have not slept well in the run-up to the musical because the musical has left me with far more on my mind than I am able to shutdown at night, and so my thoughts race through those things that I haven't been able to deal with during the day. The power going out (and thus eliminating the possibility of our much need tech rehearsal) on Saturday, did little to help me unwind over the weekend, and our 7 hour replacement rehearsal on Monday during the school day, was not exactly the nerve soother I would have hoped for. I have been woken repeatedly by nightmares ranging from bad things happening on stage, to bad things happening in life in general. I've been exhausted for days.
So the fact that I had fallen asleep without even recognizing it, and stayed asleep long enough that I was confused in the morning as to how it had all happened, meant one of two things. Either 1. Things had started to go well enough that my body finally let itself relax, or 2. I had finally lost my mind, reached the point of physical exhaustion, and had gone into self preservation mode. Actually, both options probably hold an element of truth! The show is better...not great...but better; but regardless of how things go, I'm also not sure I could have made it on many more nights of limited sleep.
Time gives perspective to all things, and there will come a time in the future that I will look back on Honk! as the little show that could...almost didn't...but then could again. There will come a time when I'm home before 9pm, in bed and sleeping soundly without nightmares of scene changes and show disasters. Moving forward, I know what I'd change, what I'll do differently next time, and what things are going to always be variables when directing high school theatre. I also know who stands in my corner, who's willing to step up to the plate, who's always going to have my back. These are important lessons, lessons I know linger amid the chaos of everything that the last two weeks have been, and, in time, will come to mean much more than mere "silver lining" afterthoughts of an otherwise challenging stretch.
Honk! If you love theatre. Honk! If you're ready to watch someone else perform it for a while, from a seat other than the director's!
Among the many strange dreams I've had this week as I've tossed, turned, and fretted over the coming musical, last night I dreamed I was on stage with the cast, when I suddenly realized that the diamond in my engagement ring had cracked in half to reveal the stone was hollow. J Word asked if this was a subconscious manifestation that I thought the musical would ruin our relationship. I very much doubt it, though for certain, the musical has ruined my sleep schedule.
There are 101 things left to do before the performance, and the idea that we open a week from tonight is terrifying...but then, it's also Halloween, so everything's a little scarier than it should be! A full day rehearsal tomorrow should hopefully assuage everyone's stress and nerves. In the meantime, I'm thinking an extra hour of sleep this weekend, or at least another hour to toss and turn, might do me good.
What I could really use is to run a few miles...though my rehearsal schedule hasn't really allowed that to happen. Monday's dress rehearsal is during the day meaning I'll have a chance to get home before dark, and hopefully that gives me a chance to get out of my head for an hour or so. In the meantime, I'll turn to internet frivolity to find a brief moment of escape!
1. I'm not going to claim to have had all these relationships, but as I've reached the end of my dating game, I think I will at least admit to #'s 1, 3, 5, and 9.
2. This is a crack-up, mostly because the descriptions are funny, but also because it's probably surprisingly accurate!
3. Theatre headlines always catch my attention, and any list of theatre suggestions immediately gets my mind going about what I want to see or direct next. I've seen 4 of these titles, and I'm most excited for The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime to start making the US theatre rounds!
4. Finally, a sensical account of how I feel about Taylor Swift, and a semi-justifiable reason for my emotions. I used to think I hated her music, until I caught myself you tubing "Shake it Off." I used to think I disliked her as a person, but she makes it hard to actually dislike her as she's not as brazen as many of the other mainstream celebrity disasters. She's just...eh...
5. And last but not least there was this picture this week...
...which could have crashed the internet on cuteness factor and number of collective "likes," "retweets," and instagrams!
I admit it. I intentionally neglected the Friday Five yesterday after thinking about doing it about five times. But really, you're welcome...because I blogged Thursday, and was considerate enough not to blast you with another round of internet musings that, no doubt, would have disrupted and distracted your other Friday evening activities.
...that may have been unnecessarily self-important! ;) But here's hoping you really did have something better to do last night than browse the internet. As for my plans, J Word and I have recently taken to playing very competitive games of Chinese Checkers...a trend that continued after we both put in a good amount of time to getting some work done as well. Quarter 1 grades are coming due soon, and he's got building permit drawings to prepare for his most recent property acquisition, so it was a paperwork kind of night.
Not super exciting, and this morning has been much of the same. So let's jump into a little internet folly to help you relax and procrastinate as the weekend rolls on!
1. This article is well written, true, and (happily) something J Word and I actually did after we got engaged. General premise: the very first thing you need to do after you get engaged is take a moment to enjoy the moment by yourselves...without rushing to tell anyone. J Word proposed on the top of a fire tower in a state park with, conveniently, no cell service; therefore, by default we had as much time as we wanted to spend the moment alone, hike back out of the woods, and keep the 'secret' between ourselves for a small stretch of time before sharing with our friends. After reading and discussing the article, we both agreed that we were glad we did!
3. The question of "Best Day of Your Life" is subjective, and the answers (and yes that was answers plural) vary by context. This article about what your best day(s) of your life says about you is a little bit interesting, a little bit silly sarcastic, and a little bit thought provoking, in that it made me want to keep my own list of best days.
4. and 5. The last two things go together in the category of "Other Things that You Could Be Doing on the Internet that Might be a Better Use of your Time!"Read 'em and...be prepared to lose track of the next few hours of your life!
This week, as I kick musical rehearsal up a notch into "we really have less than three weeks to pull this off now so MEMORIZE YOUR LINES...please!" mode, I found myself reflecting on the phrase, 'Good things come to those who wait.' I know the fortune cookie that originally spit that out probably had the best of intentions. (I also know that it did not, in fact, originally come from a fortune cookie!)
That said, I have patiently gone about the musical rehearsal process as sports, clubs, work, life, etc. etc. etc. take precedence over practices because, well, this always seems to happen with the theater productions. However, the other thing that always needs to happen with theater productions is that, at some point, the production must become the priority. I reached that moment on Tuesday, and my cast heard about it...in an unusually firm and vocal way. Good things do come to those who wait, but I've waited long enough, and I don't merely want 'good things.' I want a GREAT show. Great shows require practice and action, and I have no more patience for things that don't move us closer to that goal!
...wow! I wish I would have been that articulate during my actual "motivational" pep talk on Tuesday. That was pretty deep!
Patience, of course, is a virtue, and I'm not suggesting immediate action is the best choice in every situation. Take another example from this week of something I've intentionally been patient to return to. Yesterday was my first run post Chicago Marathon, and though it felt great to run in the unseasonally fantastic fall weather, and the fact that I've been itching to run for about 4 days now, I'm glad I waited at least the full week after to fully recoup and recover. Even now, I'm decreasing my mileage significantly to prevent burnout and injury. I'm still excited that I finished the race. I'm still excited about running, and having a little patience in returning to the training and race seen will hopefully continue to keep me excited about both.
So where is the line between patiently waiting and taking necessary action? This is a big question and one I'm probably not fully qualified to answer. However, I think with the important things, the things that will actually require a decision or action at some point, it comes down to a matter of common sense and the consequences that will result from said action or choice. And because lots of people lack common sense, and even more people don't consider consequences until it's too late, this probably explains the root of A LOT of the world's problems!
You know what the perfect remedy to running a marathon is? A short week of work, a long fall break weekend hanging out with J Word, a night out on the town with theatre tickets, and no running. Sounds perfect...and impossible...but it happened...so it's not impossible, and it is perfect!
As such, I have no witty words, nor academic anecdotes on which to reflect at the end of the week. Instead I offer you these five things for a little fall break fun of your own.
1. I hated being tall when I was younger, though at some point (probably about the time I stopped wearing XL tshirts and bought my first pair of heels) I grew into my height and got over it. (So many tall puns!! Sorry I'm not sorry!!) Still, this list of struggles all tall people face, is not incorrect.
2. OK...this one is actually kind of school related. There's been a big hoopla about the school lunches recently, and out of the fray...delicious looking beefy tacos emerged on Tuesday. But how does that compare to the world's lunch trays? Now you know...
3. This cracked me up! J Word...this is your odd compliment of the day!
5. And because it's now fall, and Halloween is almost upon us, this gem is worth sharing again...because it's HILARIOUS! My apologies for the language. There is no edited version. Just read it with "beeeeps" in your head and it'll be fine!
Somewhere along the 26.2 miles of the Chicago Marathon route, I threw up my hands in the shape of a heart...because I love distance running so much that I was willing to waste a few precious iotas of energy to make a sign of affection.
Somewhere along the 26.2 miles of the Chicago Marathon route I also just plain threw up...because I love distance running so much that I was willing to toss my cookies and still slog through the remaining 10 miles of the race to get to the finish line.
Thus is the adventure of running a marathon. Between the awe inspiring sunrise over Chicago at the starting line and the spirit shattering stretch between miles 22-23, just about every human emotion has its moment in the spotlight. I feel like a million bucks! I feel like I'm going to die! This is the most amazing thing I've ever done! This is the dumbest idea I've ever had! ...each takes its turn in prominence. That's why a marathon is such a human drama. You just never know what you're going to get, and at any given moment, what you get could look dramatically different.
There are a few shared experiences in the process of the race, however. Like, let's talk about the wall. I'm going to assume that the people who win marathons, or dedicate an absurd amount of hours/years to their training don't hit a wall, but for the rest of us out there just trying to survive, the wall is a common experience, recognizable at that point in the race where more people seems to be walking than running...or at least when the un-official pace group you were with seems to have all slowed down together by an average 20-30 seconds. Such is the wall.
At Mile 22, I hit the wall...but the wall was different this year. Here's what makes the wall hard. (And here J Word thinks, "Sheet rock!") In my first marathon effort when I reached the wall, I had never before been beyond it. My body screamed at me to stop, and I almost did because I wasn't certain that I could endure. This year at mile 22 my body screamed for me to stop again, and I would have, but I also knew that I didn't have to. I knew that if I could get to mile 23, with just over a 5k left, my mind would win, and I could talk myself through the last stretch of mileage.
And that's what happened. Mile 23 looked better than 22, and 24 looked even better, so that by the time I reached 25 it was in the giddy mindset of, "ONLY ONE MORE MILE!!!" It's also important to note that my "fail safe" motivator at this point was this little musical number that makes your run feel like the most epic thing to happen in the history of the world.
So Chicago has come and gone, and so will the race/training stories for now. The musical is in ramp up mode, quarter 1 is drawing to a fast close, and I'm off on fall break for the next few days, so I'll have a full chance to physically and mentally recoup before I have to hit the ground running (even just metaphorically) in the coming weeks.
Of course, I can't imagine there won't be any literal running thrown in for good measure (and sanity!) as well. So, as always, stay tuned.
Well friends, this is it. Countdown to the marathon has reached its final days, and tomorrow morning J Word and I will head down to Madison to pick up The Platypus before making our way to Chicago. First on the agenda, the expo, which if I remember correctly was both very cool, and very intimidating. Then it will be off to check into our hotel, meet up with Mom and Dad, and a pre-race dinner at the same place we ate pre-race last year because, hey, why mess with what worked the first time!
I'm not sure what my primary emotion is at this point. The taper week nerves caught up on Wednesday, and have stuck around with a nausea inducing vengeance. The sore throat that popped up this week doesn't do much to soothe those anxieties. At the same time, I am excited, if not for the suffering and struggle, then at least for another chance to be out on the course with the other runners and race atmosphere.
I think I've said it before, but this race feels different than last year, and taking a taper week walk yesterday, I think I really pinpointed the reason as to why. Last year when I ran the marathon, it was kind of the culmination of 3 years of work I had put in. When I started training for my first half marathon in 2011, I'm not sure a marathon was even on my radar screen. However, having finished that race, and then ventured into the world of triathlon, the goals kept growing until, eventually, I reached a point where a marathon not only seemed possible, but I wanted to do it. Last year's race was a kind of crowning personal accomplishment.
Since Chicago last year, I haven't had a big desire to set a new, loftier goal. I've continued to love the run and love the race, but I've been content with where I've landed. I've found my adventures other places, with J Word, with my new teaching position, racing around the courses I know well and love, and equally enjoying the quiet couple of miles I can take around Silver Lake. I don't feel like I have anything to prove this year. Last year there was a little flicker of fear that, in running the race, I was trying to be something I wasn't. This year, regardless of how the race goes, I go with the confident assurance that this is already the person I am. I'm already a marathon finisher...now I just get to try and do it again.
Heady, overly reflective stuff for a Friday. Let's list instead!
1. I love my home state of Wisconsin! (Go Packers!) So when I saw this list of happiest states I thought, "Hey congrats Wisco, you're #10!" Then I kept reading and found Minnesota at #2 and thought, "Hey, I live in Minnesota...happily!"
2. This interactive map showing the average time every county goes to bed is pretty cool. Also, I wonder why anyone ever thought to create said map. That said, I admit I putzed on it for quite awhile, so well played internet! Well played!
4. All right, real life confession...watching "Titantic" on cable television at odd hours of the day when I wasn't in class and supposed to be doing homework was a college guilty pleasure. So imagine my shock when I found out there was an alternate ending. And though it was shocking to find...it's not really all that shocking that it's AWFUL! But thank you for explicitly stating the theme for us in the (eventually cut) dialogue!
5. J Word and I are an internet dating success story (next Match.con commercial!) so I'm not really going to bash online dating here, but this assortment of commonly used pick up lines, is 100% accurate...just so you know! If you're going to take the internet relationship plunge, I'd say go for it...but you've been warned!
